From Facebook: ( click here for the original post )
I don’t consider myself primarily a sexual educator, but I do some work in this regard, and here is what I perceive as necessary:
1) You must maintain strict professional/personal boundaries. You cannot source your sexual needs from those who would be your clients. Period.
2) You must be comfortable with speaking openly about your sexuality and sexual activity. That being said, without explicit consent from those you interact with you must not reveal specific identities of those you work with or play with. It does not mean that you HAVE to speak to the public about it (some educators do, some don’t, it’s a professional decision), but you must be comfortable speaking about it.
3) You must hold the highest standard of integrity. If you speak about sexual consent (or as I prefer to speak about it, sexual invitation), you’d better hold those standards in your daily life. If you do not, it will come out. Publicly.
4) You must be solid in yourself and work through resentment and trauma. There will be those who approach you with unmet sexual needs (sometimes in a way that feels gross), and you need to be confident enough to say “no” without responding from a place of trigger. Even so, your verbal boundaries may not be respected. In these cases, you must be firm without flying the handle.
5) You must have faith in the fundamental goodness of human sexual desire (for all genders). I saw an article running around recently about the inherent brutality of male desire. That belief system is poison and will prevent you from doing the work powerfully. Those who do not treat others with respect concerning sexuality do so because they do not recognize that their own desires are good (and that anyone would want to satisfy them of their own free will), or hold a fundamental belief that they must manipulate others in order to get their needs met. If you can help them shift that belief, their behavior will shift in turn.
6) You must be sexually self-sourced. That means that you do not NEED anyone else to do anything in particular with your body in order to feel good about yourself, and you don’t go around even subtly pressuring people into any kind of sexual activity.
7) If you have come into this work, it’s likely that you’ve discovered the power of your own sexual energy. You must understand that people will put you on a pedestal, and they may sexually desire you. That is power. Do not abuse it. Share the internal radiance you have cultivated so that others can shine just as brightly.
8) If you hold any belief systems that privilege one form of sexual expression
over another, you must extinguish them. They prevent you from serving your clients powerfully. Invitation/consent from all involved is the primary standard (this includes those who are not aware they are involved).